Dear Allah, I’ve been wanting to tell You this for awhile, but I can’t seem to find any time to talk to You in private. All praise to You, I love being a mother. It’s an honor. I love my beautiful children and I’m so blessed that You entrusted me with them. I hope I am living up to your expectations in how I take care of them.
Dear Allah, there is something that I miss though, and that’s my uninterrupted time dedicated to You. I hear people say that taking care of our children is considered ibadah with the right intentions. Although that may be true, it doesn’t feel the same as standing in salah. Waking up at the crack of dawn with my children doesn’t feel the same as waking up for Fajr. Tired legs from playing with my children all day doesn’t feel the same as tired legs from standing in Taraweeh prayer. I miss going to the masjid every night during Ramadan. I miss my Ramadan days that consisted of salah, Qur’an, du’a, dhikr, and the occasional nap if I’m being completely honest.
Dear Allah, I haven’t been able to fast in years due to pregnancy and breastfeeding. Although I love being able to carry and nourish my babies, I miss the thirst and hunger of Ramadan and the elevated iman that comes with it. Thinking about the number of fasts I have to make up feels like a lonely mountain to climb.
Dear Allah, I miss my khushoo during salah. It’s difficult to focus with a baby in my arms and a toddler jumping on my back. I intend to pray sunnah but by the time I console my crying baby and settle down my toddler, the window to pray has closed. There are nights that are so long and exhausting that I physically don’t hear my alarm for Fajr. Lately, I’ve missed Fajr more times than I’d like to admit. At the end of a long day when my children are finally asleep, I know in my heart I should pick up my Qur’an, but I often pick up the TV remote instead.
Ya Allah, you’ve given me endless blessings and I’m so grateful to You. You are the Most Merciful, the Most Kind and Giving, the Most Gracious – please accept my mothering as ibadah. Please accept my mothering as good deeds. Allow my mothering to testify on my behalf. Please reward me for not only what I do, but what I intend to do. On the Ramadan nights when I’m home putting my children to sleep, please give me the reward for praying Taraweeh in the masjid and for taking care of my children. When I intend to pray sunnah but get caught up in diffusing a tantrum, please give me the reward for praying sunnah and for meeting my child’s emotional needs. When I’m unable to fast, please give me the reward for fasting and for nourishing my baby with my tired body.
Ya Allah, please accept my mothering as ibadah and reward me for what I would be doing if I could.
Sincerely,
a mother,
on behalf of all mothers,
in the depths of mothering
